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September 24, 2013
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Mr. Mom
EnglandXReader
*WARNING: SUGGESTIVE AND/OR SENSUAL THEMES IN SOME PLACES. NOTHING GRAPHIC, BUT STILL.
*************************************************************************************

*Late one night*

Arthur slammed the car door shut and stomped towards the front door, muttering a foul string of curses under his breath. Unlocking the door, he stepped inside to be met by his twin boys, Alfred and Matthew, and his daughter Michelle.

“Dad’s home!”

“Papa!”

“Daddy!”

They all ran up to him, tugging at his trousers. He managed a tired chuckle as he rubbed his sons’ heads and patted his daughter’s back.

“Yes, I’m home.” He said, gently prying them off his trousers so he could walk. The children immediately ran off, probably to continue what they had been doing before he walked through the door. He walked upstairs to his and his wife (Name)’s bedroom.

Hanging his coat in the closet and haphazardly tossing his suitcase in the corner, he plopped down on the bed, sighing heavily and holding his forehead in his hands. A warm hand on his knee made Arthur look up to see (Name) with that kind smile he fell in love with all those years ago.

“Hello, dear.” She said affectionately, bending over to kiss his forehead. He lifted his face up higher so he captured her lips instead, pulling her into his lap.

“Hello, love.” He murmured as he brushed a (h/c) strand of hair behind her ear with one hand and stroked her thigh with the other. She smiled and kissed him again.

“Eeeeeeeeew!” Alfred screeched, slapping his hands over his and Matthew’s eyes.

“Aaaaaaaw!” Michelle swooned, holding her cheeks in her hands.

Maybe it was silly, but Arthur still bristled and blushed madly when he realized he had left their bedroom door open, and found his three children watching their parents having an intimate moment.

“Y-Y-YOU THREE! OUT!” he sputtered. The children just ran away giggling at the ‘funny face’ he made when he was mad. They never could seem to take his threats seriously. *cough*Probably because of his eyebrows.*cough*   Even (Name) laughed. He blushed even harder.

“Whose side are you on???” he whined demanded.

“I’m a mother of three and the wife of a British man. I have no side.” (Name) chuckled and ruffled his blonde hair. He actually found himself leaning into her touch.

“So…how was work today?” (Name) asked softly as she stroked the hard line of his jaw. His slight smile deepened into a disgusted frown. He buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“Those bloody idiots sacked me. I have no idea why.” he growled into her hair. He felt (Name) stiffen. She pulled away from him just enough so she could look him straight in the face.

“Arthur…” she murmured. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to sound cross.” He kissed her neck. She smiled and kissed his forehead.

“Tell you what. You stay here at home. I’ll go to work until you find another job.” Arthur’s thick eyebrows shot upwards.

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that, poppet. It’s not fair.” He protested. He didn’t notice (Name)’s lips twitch upwards at the word ‘fair.’

“Trust me, dear. It’s MORE than fair.” She assured him gently. “You get some time off and watch the kids. My job alone is more than enough to keep us going.” Arthur frowned, but nodded in understanding. Suddenly, he fell backwards onto the bed, pulling (Name) along with him. (Name) squeaked when he rolled over to the side so that he was hovering over her.

“I missed you so much today, love.” He said seductively, kissing the hollow of her throat. (Name) cocked an eyebrow, but smiled all the same.

“Oh, no you don’t, mister. That’s how the FIRST three came along.” She chuckled, pushing him off. His eyebrows knit together as he began to pout. (Name) laughed at his expression, making him pout even more. He turned away from her, but (Name) crawled over to him and snaked her arms around his neck from behind.

“Tonight, when the kids are asleep, maybe.” (Name) whispered, smirking in his ear when she felt his pulse skyrocket. (Name) glanced over at the doorway.

“Besides, they’re watching us right now.” She added bluntly. Arthur jerked at the sound of his children giggling.

“WHY YOU-!!!” he sputtered, getting up and proceeding to chase the kids, who only laughed and scattered in different directions.

“Run away, Mattie!” Alfred laughed, grabbing his younger twin’s hand and pulling him along as they ran away from their embarrassed and sexually frustrated father. Michelle pouted indignantly when Arthur gave up on his sons and targeted her instead.

“What about me???” she squawked, barely avoiding her father’s dive. Arthur’s face burrowed into the carpet. Alfred’s head poked out from his hiding spot behind the sofa as he stuck his tongue out at his little sister.

“You’ve got legs, doncha?” he taunted. Matthew poked his and his stuffed polar bear’s head out from behind the sofa as well.

“I thought that heroes saved the girl all the time…” he murmured. Alfred shook his head.

“I AM the hero, Mattie, and heroes DO save the girl, but little sisters don’t count.” Alfred said seriously, using his five-year old logic and pointing upwards for emphasis. Matthew thought it over a bit before nodding.

“I-I see…” he mumbled, hugging his stuffed polar bear to his chest. Suddenly, a shadow loomed over both boys, who gulped. They slowly looked up to see…

Their father, holding Michelle in one arm with his free hand resting firmly on his hip, glaring down at them.

“YOU TWOOOOOO…..” he drawled creepily. Both boys felt shivers go up their spines.

“SPLIT!” Alfred commanded, and both boys shot off in opposite directions. Arthur blinked before his mind registered what just happened. Michelle gave a small hmph and crossed her arms, despite the fact her father’s arm was suspending her in midair.

“How come those two ALWAYS get away?” she huffed.

*******************************************************************

About ten minutes later, Arthur gave up the manhunt and collapsed face-first onto the bed with a groan. The sound of the master bathroom door opening made him turn his head so he could peer out of the corner of his eye, even with his face buried in the pillow. He immediately sat upright.

His wife came out of the bathroom in nothing but a (favorite color) towel, her (h/l) (h/c) hair dripping water along the floor. He leapt to his feet and speed-walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in the crook of her neck.

“You forgot to take your nightclothes into the bathroom with you again, didn’t you?” he asked huskily. He smirked against her wet skin when he felt her relax in his arms with a sigh.

“As a matter of fact, Artie, I did.” He groaned at the nickname, but stopped when she reached one hand back and stroked his jaw with a delicate finger. She looked over her shoulder and smirked. “Is there a problem?” He grinned so widely he resembled the Cheshire Cat. He slid one hand over her side and stroked her leg. She shuddered.

“In all honesty, there IS a problem (Name)…the fact that you think you can just waltz around in nothing but a towel and expect me not to react…?” he purred, ghosting his lips all over her neck. She sighed in content, but when he tugged on the towel, she suddenly held it in place.

“Need I point out that you left the door open again, dear?”

Arthur jolted and looked behind him only to find his two sons peering from the doorway, looking as if they had been mentally scarred. Matthew was all shades of pink, while Alfred looked like he had just witnessed a murder.

"MY EYEEEES!" The blue-eyed child cried. Matthew sqeaked and hid his face behind his bear. Arthur rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth.

"You two. Bed. NOW." he commanded. The boys didn't need to be told twice and dashed off to their room. Knowing that Michelle was already in bed and the boys definitely wouldn't be coming back, Arthur quickly rushed over to the door, shutting and locking it. He then turned to (Name).

"You too. Bed. Now." He said simply, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her to said piece of furniture. (Name) resisted the urge to roll her eyes and blushed.

"For a Brit, you sure are persistent when it comes to these things." (Name) said teasingly. He smirked, once again tugging on the towel.

"I'm a lot of things when it comes to you, love."

*******************************************************************

The Next Morning...

(Name) woke up before Arthur, who was still sound asleep and tangled in the covers, arms wrapped around her bare waist. She smiled softly as she sat up so she was resting on one elbow. She leaned over and kissed his forehead, earning a small grumble from the British man.

"Dear, you need to let go. I have to get to work, remember?" she giggled, trying to free herself from his embrace. Arthur groaned, pulling her close to his naked body.

"Nooo..."he drawled/whined sleepily, not even opening his eyes. (Name) laughed.

"Come on, Artie~!" she teased, knowing how much he utterly loathed that nickname. One green eye slowly slid open. He eyeballed her.

"What was that, poppet?" he asked warningly. (Name) smirked.

"Artie. Artie, Artie, Art-" she sang, only to squeal when he lunged at her, jostling with her under the covers. He eventually pinned her wrists down with one hand and looked up at her, mischief fluttering around in his emerald orbs.

"Care to repeat that, dearest? I don't think I heard you properly." he teased. (Name) took the dare.

"I said ArtieEEE~!" she squeaked, giggling when he started kissing her stomach. It tickled so much that tears formed in the corner of her eyes. Eventually (Name) couldn't take anymore.

"All right! All right! Arthur! Arthur! I surrender!" she laughed pleadingly. Arthur cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

"You sure, love? You seemed pretty stubborn before." he teased. She nodded frantically, and with that Arthur released her wrists. She smiled and pushed him away. He smirked.

"Is that the thanks I get for last night?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. (Name) flushed pure red as she chucked a pillow at him.

"Oh, quiet you."

*******************************************************************

Too soon for Arthur's liking, (Name) stood at the door, dressed for work and stooping low to give all her children a kiss. As it turns out, (Name) had to go on a business trip and wouldn't be back for a few days. She hugged all three kids tightly, then looked at them seriously.

"Now, I want you to be good for your father while I'm gone. Got it?" she said seriously. Al, Matt, and Michelle all nodded. (Name) smiled, satisfied with their answer. She stood up and faced her husband, who smiled back. Arthur pressed his forehead to hers, looking her in the eyes.

"Don't worry, love. I'll take care of them." he assured. (Name) smiled, but on the inside she cringed at the thought of him feeding their children.

I'm sure they'll be fine. she thought to herself. She kissed him tenderly one last time before turning for the car. Alfred tugged on Arthur's trouser legs, and in compliance Arthur picked him up.

(Name) backed the car out of the driveway, stopping one last time to wave at her family. Arthur waved back, along with all three kids. (Name) smiled and drove away.

They all waited for her car to disappear before heading back to the house. Arthur rolled up his sleeves, preparing to make breakfast, only to let out a grunt of surprise at the fresh batch of pancakes set out on the counter. A sticky note was stuck on the rim of the plate.

One last gift before I leave. Enjoy, my lovelies! : )

Arthur smiled. He then looked out the kitchen window to see his children running around the yard. He opened it and stuck his head out.

"Come in the house! Your mother made breakfast!" He called. All three kids ran into the house and sat at the table in the blink of an eye. As they all ate happily, Arthur smiled to himself.

I don''t know why (Name) made such a big deal out of all this. This is even easier than I-

Suddenly, all three children dashed from the table in different directions. Arthur blinked, then panicked.

"Alfred? Matthew? Michelle?!?" he called out, earning silent responses with each name. A loud crash sounded from the living room, followed by Alfred's oblivious laugh. Arthur paled.

...Bollocks.

*******************************************************************

It was safe to assume that the next few days were absolute hell. No matter what Arthur did, his own children wouldn't listen. Alfred constantly pulled childish pranks, including drawing on Arthur's face while he slept and putting goldfish in the bathtub.

Matthew, trying to help his father rather than hinder him, had accidently thrown in his red hoodie with all the socks. Arthur was surprised when he pulled out the fresh load of laundry only to discover they were all pink. Matthew had felt really bad about it though, and it didn't take long for Arthur to forgive him.

For some reason Michelle decided that drawing on the walls in crayon was OK. For the second time, Arthur caught her in the hallway, drawing a picture of a giant fish.

"Give me the crayons, Michelle." he said icily. His daughter huffed and puffed out her cheeks, but handed over the yellow box, which he stuffed in his pocket.

I'll have to put them in a higher drawer this time. I just wish I knew how the devil she got them back!

*******************************************************************

"Dad! Dad! Dad!" Alfred chanted, pulling on Arthur's sleeve. The Brit looked over from his book to his son.

"Hm? What is it, Alfred?" He asked the young boy. Alfred pointed to the television in the living room.

"The tape is over. Can you rewind it?" Alfred questioned. Arthur sighed.

"All right. Give me a minute here and I'll take care of it." he told the child. Alfred nodded and ran back into the living room. Arthur marked the page he was on and set the book down before rubbing his temples.

If I see that stupid purple dinosaur one more time, I'm going to kill someone.

*******************************************************************

"Alfred! Come out, now! It's nap time!" Arthur called out. His son didn't reveal himself from his hiding spot.

"No way! Heroes don't need naps!" he called out defiantly. Arthur resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall.

"Yes, they do, Alfred. Now come out before I get angry." he threatened. Alfred reluctantly relinquished his hiding spot from under the table. Arthur quickly picked the boy up and carried him to the bedroom Alfred and Matthew shared. Matthew didn't even stir as his twin nestled in the bed beside him, the stuffed bear Kumajiro being the only thing seperating them. Alfred puffed out his cheeks.

"I'll get into bed, but I won't fall asleep..." he muttered stubbornly. Even in his frustration Arthur barely held back a grin at that.

"I'm sure you won't." He said, playing along. Slowly he got up and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Arthur made his way down the hallway and to his chair, where his book still lay. Picking it up and setting it on the end table, Arthur cradled his face in his hands and sighed tiredly.

"At this rate, I won't make it to lunchtime!" he muttered under his breath. His head shot up.

"Lunch- BLOODY HELL!" he exclaimed, scrambling to his feet and racing to the kitchen. Sure enough, smoke was pouring into the air from the oven, and Arthur rushed to open it, letting a cloud of black hit him in the face. He coughed, covering his mouth with one hand and fanning away smoke with the other. Grabbing a potholder he slowly took the pan from its smokey prison. He sighed when he saw charcoal sitting in the pan instead of meatloaf.

"Fantastic." Arthur muttered. He immediately tossed the black object into the trash and set the pan in the sink. "Looks like it's takeout tonight...again."

*******************************************************************

Just one more day. Just one more day. Arthur repeated mentally. He had been chanting that mantra the whole day, because for some reason the children were even more squirrelly than usual. Alfred wouldn't stop running around the house in his superhero "outfit," which consisted of a blanket tied around his neck and sharpie-marker mask.

"Look everyone! I'm a HERO~!" he exclaimed, rushing out the porch door into the backyard, nearly knocking over his twin brother who was sitting quietly in the grass watching a ladybug. Arthur sighed.

"Alfred! Be more careful!" he called after the boy. Either his son didn't hear, or he just ignored him, because he didn't slow down. Arthur grumbled under his breath, shutting the door and turning around, only to find Michelle trying to sneak out of the hallway, a familiar yellow box in her hands...

HOW IN THE BLOODY HELL DOES SHE KEEP GETTING THOSE BLOODY THINGS BACK!?! he shouted in his mind. He immediately chased after her.

Meanwhile, Alfred brought something out of the playhouse in the backyard, showing it to Matthew.

"Hey, Mattie! Want some candy?" he offered, revealing a large bag filled with goodies. Matthew's eyes widened.

"Where did you get that? I thought Papa took it." he asked, confused. Alfred's smile widened.

"Yeah well, I took it back. Come on! Take your pick!" he offered, handing his twin the bag.

Matthew, not wanting to get in trouble, shook his head.

"N-no thank you. You can have it..." he declined quietly. Alfred's eyes practically sparkled with excitement.

"Really!? Thanks, Mattie!" He said happily, digging into the bag in his brother's hands.

~~OoOoOoOoOoOoO~~

Arthur finally managed to take the crayons away from his daughter. He grumbled under his breath as he stuffed them into the highest drawer.

Michelle wouldn't dare reach into this drawer...It's full of undergarments. He thought to himself. He gulped when he glanced at something black and lacy within, but shook his head rapidly.

(Name) will be home soon enough. I don't need to be fantasizing about-

"SUUUUUUGAAAAAAAAR!!!!" cried a voice outside the room. Arthur immediately rushed out his bedroom door and into the hall until he finally made it to the living room.

Everything was utter chaos.

Alfred had changed from a superhero outfit to a cowboy ensemble, although the sharpie marker on his face still remained. He was currently bouncing all over the room, hyper as hell. Poor Matthew was staring at his twin in shock, then at the bag he currently held in his hand.

"...What... have I done..." the violet-eyed boy whispered. Arthur looked at his son in shock.

"What the devil is going on around here!?" Arthur cried out. Alfred stopped in his tracks, cowboy boots clunking on the floor. He stared strangely at his father, whose eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Arthur's  eyes widened when Alfred brought out his lasso from behind his back.

"Alfred...? What are you-Hey! Wha-!?"

*******************************************************************

(Name) smiled happily to herself as she pulled into the driveway. As nice as it was to see some of her coworkers again, she had missed her family even more. Stepping out of the car and grabbing her suitcase from the trunk, (Name) fumbled with the keys. She grumbled under her breath. Why on earth did she have so many keys? She only used two or three!

After finally finding the one she was looking for, (Name) smiled to herself as she placed it in the lock, turning it to hear the familiar *click* of the lock's undoing. She pushed open the door...

To say she was surprised would be an understatement.

Her husband was completely tied up in what looked to be Alfred's cowboy lasso he had gotten for his birthday, lying on the floor of the entry. All three of her children's heads shot up in surprise, as did Arthur's. The moment he did, (Name) could see Michelle's handiwork all over his face. He was covered in what was probably (Name)'s own makeup that her daughter had swiped. He was also gagged with Alfred's red paisley bandanna. Matthew didn't look like he had done anything other than watch in horror.

No one spoke.

No one moved.

That is, until Michelle and Alfred folded their hands together under their chin and attempted to pull "the puppy dog eyes" routine. (Name) didn't fall for it, and immediately let go of her suitcase handle, placing both hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes.

"You two. Room. NOW." she ordered, pointing up the staircase. Michelle and Alfred's heads drooped as they stood up and began to trudge up the stairs. Matthew began to follow them before he was stopped by his mother, who gently led him to the living room.

Arthur, meanwhile was flabbergasted at how quickly his unruly children obeyed their mother. (Name) made it look so easy! He had assumed it would be just as easy for him. Now he knew how (Name) felt...

What he DIDN'T know was how she did it!

(Name) sighed as she returned to her husband and lowered the gag from his mouth. She smirked at his expression.

"Not so easy, is it? "

"Poppet...you're my hero."






*EXTENDED ENDING*

Later that night, the past few days' events were cleared from Arthur's mind as he nibbled (Name)'s collarbone, his hands wandering. He smirked against her skin at the little noises of pleasure that made their way past her lips, her soft fingertips buried in his shaggy blonde hair.

Not long after, Arthur quickly remembered something and paused his actions to reach into the nightstand drawer. (Name) watched him, curious (and breathless.) He immediately came back, a small square-shaped packet in his hand. (Name) cocked an eyebrow, but smiled softly.

"You remembered this time." she teased. Arthur chuckled sheepishly, resuming his position.

"Let's just say I've learned my lesson for a while...."

FINALLY FINISHED AFTER WRITING BEGAN AT NEW YEARS. HOLY S*I*.
I've been meaning to finish this for nearly a year now, and finally I get off my lazy ass and do it.
Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
I thought this fit England pretty well. Tell me what you think!
Based off the song "Mr. Mom," by Lonestar

I don't know if this needs a mature content warning or not. If you think it does, tell me and I will put it up
Have fun with your sexy British husband.:iconsexyiggyplz::iconsexyenglandplz: :iconsaysplz: You were great as always, love.

Edit: Over 1000 views in only two days! Thank you so much everyone!
Edit 2: Over 2000 views! You guys really enjoy torturing Arthur, huh? XD
Edit 3: Over 3000 views! If I hit 5000 I will write a prequel for this! :3

England/Arthur Kirkland (c) Himaruya-sensei.
The song Mr. Mom (c) Lonestar
You (c) :iconsemeenglandplz:
PREVIEW IMAGE FOUND ON ZEROCHAN.NET.
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:iconkaykay12160:
kaykay12160 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  New member Student Writer
Oh... I just realized that the box at the end was not crayons...
Reply
:iconthe-adorkable-nerd:
The-Adorkable-Nerd Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Just about 500 more views xD
Reply
:iconsarahsmiles16:
sarahsmiles16 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Student Writer
funny ending and fantastic story round of applauseEpic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap Epic clap 
Reply
:iconthekali10:
TheKali10 Featured By Owner May 18, 2014
Oh my god XD I thought the box was crayons at first. Then I re read it and was like: CRAYONS! Oh.... That's definitely not crayons....
Reply
:icondouglasthedragon01:
DouglastheDragon01 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
this was absolutely adoradragon! i am always the mother figure!
Reply
:iconundertakermikki:
UndertakerMikki Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I thought that "I" would come back from the business trip and later tell Arthur "I" was pregnant from what happened that night before "I" left. Haha! Great story!
Reply
:iconmarihadalittlelambo:
MariHadALittleLambo Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I choked on my apple when Alfred covered Mattie's eyes XD
Reply
:iconpicklequeenofninjas:
PickleQueenOfNinjas Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014
My tennis team used to compare me to a mom because I always brought them snacks and scolded them when they started picking fights with each other. Ah memories...
Reply
:iconstorm-insanity:
Storm-iNSaNiTy Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Student General Artist
My friends will sometimes see me as the 'Mom' of our group cause I can make everyone shut up and listen to me
Reply
:icontheanimeangel:
Theanimeangel Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL KIDS:1 ARTIE:0 I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHO WINS THIS ROUND.
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